Strengthening Vulnerability to Strengthen Your Sex Life

By Corin (Garcia) Kennedy, ALMFT

Vulnerability is an invitation to release our defenses and expose our true self to another person. While that kind of openness can feel risky, it’s what strengthens and deepens our relationships.

Vulnerability can feel especially tender in the realm of sex. Sexual intimacy not only asks for physical openness, but emotional as well. So when we stop protecting or managing how we are perceived, it invites our partner to meet us where we actually are.

It is from this space that we can communicate about our sexual preferences and where we want to go during sex. Sex then becomes a space where connection and pleasure feels possible, rather than something to hide from. 

Although, we can’t expect vulnerability to suddenly appear in the bedroom; it has to be practiced and built long before we enter the sexual space.

Here are some practices that can help invite vulnerability in your relationship:

  • Sharing our inner world (fears, insecurities, desires, and dreams)

  • Switch up your conflict pattern:

    • Lay flat on the ground next to your partner, parallel to each other (on your backs, facing the ceiling).

    • Have the same conversation that’s been creating conflict, but keep your eyes on the ceiling.

    • Notice what shifts.

This posture can soften the emotional tone. When your body is lying down and not facing off, it’s less prepared to defend or charge,  and more open to vulnerability. 

  • Hug until relaxed:

    • Stand facing your partner.

    • Wrap your arms around each other. 

    • As you hold one another:

      • Notice the sensations in your body.

      • Gently quiet the internal chatter. 

      • Stay in the embrace until you feel your breathing naturally begin to sync.

  • Shared Experience:

    • Remove distractions and sit comfortably next to your partner. 

    • Put on a favorite song and listen together.

    • Afterward, have a conversation:

      • What does this song mean to you?

      • What emotions came up?

      • What did you notice in your body as you listened?

This practice creates a shared moment that gently shifts you away from anger, defensiveness, or shame and toward curiosity and connection.

  • Eye gazing: 

    • Set a timer for one minute.

    • Sit comfortably across from your partner and hold hands.

    • With a soft, relaxed gaze, look into each other’s eyes, without speaking.

    • Notice what comes up.

P.S. You’re allowed to blink, this isn’t a staring contest!


Curious about other ways to invite vulnerability or access that sexual space? Our clinicians at Spark Chicago Therapy can help! 

Amy Freier