Turn On The Play
By Corin (Garcia) Kennedy, ALMFT
Somewhere along the way, many of us traded in play for productivity and silliness for structure, yet play is a vital part of wellness.
What if I told you that we are biologically hardwired to play…because we are! The National Institute of Play reported that mammal brains (yup that means us) have play circuits located in our midbrain, which means we have a biological drive to play. It’s no coincidence that when we are faced with a playful stimulus or environment we feel a pull towards it. Play actually leads to our survival through learning and without it our behaviour would be fixed.
Many adults struggle with leaning into play for numerous reasons: it's viewed as childish, a lack of time, not a priority, or not knowing how to have fun without an end goal. However, being out of touch with play may mean that we struggle to relax and have fun, which can lead to feeling awkward, excessively self-conscious, and or high levels of stress. Creating a balanced play system can open the door to relaxation, creativity, hobbies, humor, and fun (Wise, 2020).
Maybe you already have some ideas on how to get your play system activated and if not here is a quick quiz to help:
https://lindsaybraman.com/adult-play-styles/#quiz
The quiz depicts many forms of play for adults, yet leaves out one key area…sex! You may be thinking, Corin, what does play have to do with sex? Well, it has A LOT to do with sex. Take a look at these traits that highlight the overlap between sex and play:
Voluntary (consent is CRUCIAL)
Doing for the sake of doing
Inherent attraction
Focus and creativity
Not worrying about self
Continuation desire
Improvisational
Pleasurable
Accessing forms of play individually or in a relationship may open the doors to a sexual space, due to feelings of relaxation, pleasure, and wanting to continue the fun. Although, play doesn’t clock out just because sex shows up. Forget what the word “foreplay” implies; sex is still play, just with a little extra spice.
Now, let's wake up that play system! I invite you to think about some fun ways you can tap into your play personality in and out of the bedroom!
References
National Institute for Play. (n.d.). Why we play. National Institute for Play. https://nifplay.org/what-is-play/biological-drive-to-play/
Wise, N. (2020). Why good sex matters: Understanding the neuroscience of pleasure for a smarter, happier, and more purpose-filled life. Houghton Mifflin.