Your Penis is Talking. Are You Listening?

By Lily Sahaguian

While on a recent hike, I found myself immersed in the unique experience of feeling free, isolated, and yet connected. Shortly after an ankle injury at the peak of the mountain, I was pushed to think about the things that could threaten my life. Flooded with adrenaline, I felt threatened about nightfall, wildlife, and whether or not my partner and I would make it down safely.  

In its many definitions, human life can be thought of as the capacity to which we can breathe (life), reproduce (sex), and pass on (death). Meanwhile, our ability to reason also gives us the opportunity to think abstractly about our existence and the factors that threaten that existence – a concept that is rooted in existential philosophy and psychotherapy.

In his book, The Existential Importance of the Penis: A Guide to Understanding Male Sexuality, Daniel Watter introduces an existential approach to the world of sex therapy. He looks closely at the role of trauma and the four existential givens we must confront (i.e., death anxiety/terror, freedom, isolation, and meaning in life) to deepen our understanding of male sexuality, specifically.

From an existential lens, if we can overcome our existential angst and confront the unavoidable condition of death (death anxiety/terror), autonomously assume responsibility for the design of our lives rather than blaming others (freedom), and confront our ultimate existential isolation (isolation), only then will we be equipped to turn toward others and engage in fulfilling and authentic relationships (meaning in life). 

So, “How is our existential angst about life and death related to sex and sexual wellness?” 

From a trauma standpoint, repressed male existential angst (i.e., anxiety, panic attacks, dysphoria) is expressed through messages sent via the penis. Therefore, the penis is a conduit for male emotion and regulates the closeness that men will allow themselves to experience in intimate relationships. 

“When the penis perceives danger that the conscious mind is unaware of, the force of the unconscious will overpower the wishes of the conscious. This results in a sexual shutdown that is designed to protect the man from a potentially threatening situation.” 

Watter reminds us about the importance of the mind-body connection and challenges men to think introspectively and listen to how their penis may be speaking to them about their existential angst. 

As for me, I made it down the mountain safely with a new awareness of the mind-body response when faced with a threatening situation. There was space for me to observe my body’s response to not just the injury, but to my physical existence as a whole. 

To learn more about existentialism, male sexuality, and the body’s response to existential angst – here is a link to Watter’s book!