Let’s Spread the Word: Genito-Pelvic Pain is Common, but It Is Not OK!
By Rachel Zar, LMFT, CST
Due to confidentiality rules, therapists aren’t allowed to just introduce our clients to each other—even if we think they’d really get along or they’ve had similar struggles. But I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to do that—especially when working with clients with genito-pelvic pain: When my clients tell me how many clinicians they’ve had to see before getting a diagnosis; when they tell me how difficult it is to navigate a relationship when sex is painful; and when they tell me how alone they feel—like they’re the only one on the planet who has ever been on this physically, emotionally, and relationally grueling journey—I want them to feel as supported and cared for as possible.
I tell them, “You’re not alone.” I share with them that 75% of women have experienced painful sex and up to 20% have experienced it chronically. I emphasize that, though this is common, it is NOT OK, and there are treatments out there. I point them towards resources, physicians, and pelvic floor physical therapists who actually get it. And, of course, I offer them the space in therapy to work through all the psycho-social-emotional complexity that comes from this experience. But the thing that tends to elicit the biggest sigh of relief is when I tell them that there’s a support group right here at Spark where they can actually meet and commiserate with others in a similar boat. It’s one thing to hear that you’re not alone; it’s quite another to experience a feeling of belonging—to talk to others who just get it.
Spark’s Pelvic Pain Support Group meets via Zoom once per month, it’s free of charge, and it’s rolling (meaning you can attend as frequently or infrequently as you’d like). It’s open to AFAB folks in their 20s-40s with all sorts of genito-pelvic pain—from vaginismus to vulvodynia, from endometriosis to lichen sclerosis, from “I’ve been coping with this for years and know exactly what’s going on” to “I have no clue what’s happening except that it hurts!” You don’t have to be a client at Spark to join (but you do have to be in the state of Illinois). Interested? E-mail me at r.zar@sparkchicagotherapy.com
BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE! I recently decided that I don’t just want to introduce my clients to each other. I want to introduce folks with genito-pelvic pain to others around the world with similar experiences and create a resource for those who may not have access to sex therapy, support groups, and the like. That’s why I’m writing a book! Really, it’s a collection of stories—real, raw, painful, beautiful, hopeful, and complicated stories. And I’d love to invite you to share yours.
How did you discover your pain, and what has your journey been like to manage it? How does your race, ethnicity and gender impact your experience of chronic pain? What message would you like to share with others with genito-pelvic pain? If you’re intrigued, I invite you to go to rachelzartherapy.com/stories to learn more about this project and how you can help spread the word. I can’t wait to hear from you!