Let's Fight the STI Stigma
By Rachel Zar, LMFT, CST
There’s no question about it: there’s a big stigma around Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs). Many STIs are no more dangerous (if detected early) than the common cold, yet the way they are contracted leaves us with shame and self-judgment that we would never offer ourselves for catching a sneeze. Scare tactics instead of comprehensive sex education have left many of us thinking of STIs as the worst possible evil, reserved for only those who are overly promiscuous or “dirty.” And the media hasn’t helped; STIs, like herpes, are often the punchline of the joke. While many may think this fear and stigma help to keep us safe, the truth is actually the opposite: With such a stigma present, we are less likely to get tested or share our STI status with partners. Some with STIs will avoid being sexual altogether to sidestep judgment and shame. And this stigma keeps our heads in the sand about the fact that STIs make up some of the most common infections out there—and having one doesn’t make you any less worthy of pleasurable sexual experiences, loving relationships, or being treated with respect.
So, what can we do?!
Language matters. Even those who consider themselves sex positive may be inadvertently stigmatizing those around us with the language they use and the way they talk and joke about STIs. For example: We often hear that those who don’t have STIs are “clean” and those who do are “dirty.” If you knew you’d be labeled “dirty” or “damaged goods” if you disclosed your status to a partner, would it make you more or less likely to do that? Would it make you more or less likely to get tested if you knew the risk was feeling like a pariah? More often than not, those with STIs are just regular, sexually active humans, often who did everything “right,” and were just unlucky. Let’s not shame them for that.
Know the facts. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), about 2/3 of the population under age 50 has HSVI (oral herpes that can also show up genitally). And about 15% has HSV2 (genital herpes). Most cases are asymptomatic, so there are likely many more who have it and don’t know it/have never had an outbreak. Plus, nearly everyone who’s sexually active will have Human Papillomavirus (HPV) at some point in their lives. (You read that right: nearly everyone.) HPV generally clears on its own, but certain strands can lead to warts or certain types of cancer. Other STIs, like Chlamydia and Gonorrhea, can be treated and will completely go away with early detection. Those who have or have had STIs are not in the minority, they’re the vast majority.
Talk about it. If you can master the art of having a non-shaming conversation about STI status, your partners will be so much more likely to tell you what’s going on with them and you’ll be able to share your status comfortably and confidently. While your clothes are still on, let any potential partners know the last time you were tested and what your safe sex practices are. If you do have an STI, when was your last outbreak? And what are you doing to manage it? Then, ask them to share the same. A lot of folks with an HSV diagnosis, for example, were diagnosed through their first outbreak and haven’t had one since starting daily medication, which we know lowers transmission significantly. This conversation can be vulnerable, and you or your partner may need some processing (or Googling) time before deciding how best to move forward. If your partner shares a positive STI status with you, thank them for sharing, and try your best to meet them with curiosity instead of judgment.
Take precautions. Remember: there is always some risk involved in having sex, so it’s fair to do your own risk/reward analysis before opting in. Being cautious and careful is not the same as being judgmental. Barrier methods (like condoms) are your best bet for preventing most infection. And prophylactic drugs like PrEP or post-exposure PEP can prevent against contracting HIV (ask your doctor for details). Getting tested often, following medical advice, and honest conversations are fantastic safety measures.
The more we see STIs through a non-judgmental light and normalize the experience of testing, treating, and talking, the more we’ll see shame and stigma fade into the background. Let’s all do our part.