A Little Gottman Love

By Amy Berrafato, LMFT, CST

c/o Goodreads

c/o Goodreads

Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love

By: John Gottman, PhD, Julie Gottman, PhD, Doug Abrams, & Rachel Carlton Abrams, MD


One of the most helpful resources when working on improving your relationships is having research to back up your goals. It gives you a leg to stand on, and more purpose behind the changes you’re implementing with your partner. Lucky for us, Drs. John and Julie Gottman have been researching couples for decades, and share their insights in a new book, Eight Dates: Essential Conversations for a Lifetime of Love.

You’ve heard us talk about them before, as the Gottmans are pioneers in the field of marital research. They continue to offer tools for healthy communication and conflict resolution skills in order to have a satisfying, long-lasting relationship. They are so good at knowing what not to do, and can predict divorce with an average of over 90% accuracy. It’s time to listen!

Eight Dates is a comprehensive list of important conversations to have with your partner, no matter what stage of your relationship you’re in. The 4 authors share their personal and professional relationship experience, and they challenge you to a different kind of date night, one that can deepen your connection and open you up to new dialogue. Allow me to give you a teaser of the 8:


1: Trust & Commitment

2: Addressing Conflict

3: Sex & Intimacy

4: Work & Money

5: Family

6: Fun & Adventure

7: Growth & Spirituality

8: Dreams


Intrigued? I certainly am. Take a look, take a risk on your next date, and let me know what you learn. This is all about prioritizing your relationship, and making intentional efforts to set aside time together, no matter how busy you are.

Oh! I had the pleasure of seeing the Gottmans speak in Evanston as they were interviewed about their book, and they were such a delight. Brilliant, funny, and honest. If you’re more of a listener than a reader, John Gottman was also recently interviewed on the podcast Armchair Expert with Dax Shephard, and they had a really interesting conversation. Have a listen here!

Right when you thought I couldn’t get any nerdier :)